Believe in the ‘Friend Zone’? Women don’t want to be friends with you.

**I am sorry to everyone who may have thought the post was going to be about Anubis our puppy. I was NOT going to Google ‘friend zone’ again. Ever. Instead I give you something to smile about before ripping your heart out.**

Go ahead. Cry. Get it out. The truth hurts.

Now that you’re done being a baby cry (kudos to the guys and perhaps women who didn’t cry) let me tell you why this is.

Women are not interested in being friends with such men who believe in the friend zone, because these self-interested creeps are not friends—they’re controlling abusers who feel entitled to a woman’s time, affections, and bodies, but are worthy of none.

This past Tuesday an article popped up and has been floating around social media. Perhaps you’ve seen and read it? It’s called ‘Why Men and Women Can Never Be Just Friends.‘ Yes, if you haven’t figured it out this is utter trash. And apparently this pathetic zone men have created to inflate their precious fragile egos (she doesn’t want to fuck me, it’s because I’m in the friend zone) is the reason for the United State’s declining birth rate. To be honest I didn’t know there was a decline, it’s a good thing there is a decline as there are too many people on this planet anyway and there are way too many fucking idiots here already. It’s full.

In case you’re not in the mood to read the article (and I do not blame you) let me break it down and give you the Cliff Notes Version:

Hans Fiene who wrote this trash argues that we women must once and for all give up the fantasy that we have any male friends. I imagine he means straight males. The male friends we do have would much rather be friends with other guys then us. Why? Because women don’t like football (American or otherwise), we don’t belch, fart or get dirty and we certainly don’t feel the need to sit in our own filth all damn day. Um, who really wants to do that last one anyway??

Ummm, okay? WTF? Apparently all guys ever want from women is to fuck us. Nothing else. Friends with benefits does not count either I suppose as we can’t be friends. This reject goes on to say that we must relinquish men from our seductive wiles if we have no plans of marring them. And our first priority once we find the man we wish to repopulate the world with is to in fact marry him and have kids asap.

I guess if you are thinking in a post apocalyptic world there may have to be some repopulation and where the idiot in the white house is taking us this could very well be a foreseeable future.

“Being caught in the Friend Zone is an inarguable drag on fertility rates, as a man who spends several years pledging his heart to a woman who will never have his children is also a man who most likely won’t procreate with anyone else during that time of incarceration,” Fiene dramatically writes. “Quite simply, for the sake of our future, the Friend Zone must be destroyed. For the Friend Zone to be destroyed, women must accept the following truths: you don’t have any guy friends and, in fact, you can’t have any guy friends.“

Hell hath no fury like a man driven to prove that the “Friend Zone” exists, and that it’s sending our planet on a path of miserable, baby-free extinction.

Nevermind that we get hit on and pursued by men who we wouldn’t even be friends with. Apparently it’s just ALL. OUR. FAULT. LADIES!

“Do your ‘friend’ a solid and let him go. Call him up and tell him, ‘…It was my fault that I got your hopes up by putting you in the Friend Zone. As restitution, please accept the phone numbers of five girls I know who find you attractive. Stop wasting your time with me and go hang out with a girl who might one day bear your children.’”

Mansplaining fantasy garbage much??

As  so eloquently put it: “He has instead only watched beer commercials from the ’80s and read Tucker Max books and thinks men love to fart Taco Bell into in other men’s faces and call people “turd blossoms.” Men like blowing things up with fireworks, Fiene writes. They definitely aren’t complex humans who can experience platonic friendship, no way.”

Yes, we have all heard this exhausted, played out argument. We ladies have heard these nauseating mantras almost daily:

  • Don’t lead a man on, because that would make you a slut.
  • Don’t waste your prime baby birthing years, because that is the only way to lead a fulfilled life.
  • Find a man to settle down with, because being alone is sad and lonely.
  • Have children.
  • Be a good wife.
  • Be a good mother.
  • Stop being so selfish and think about others for once!

I’m sorry but I am not going to take responsibility for anyone but me. There is never a time where I have ever said or implied that any man can trade his friendship with me for sex. Not once. Yet it would seem this is a universal truth, that it is an unwritten but well known rule and should we not abide by these truths/rules we will face the very real danger of getting straight up murdered. Which, unsurprisingly, is probably our fault, too.

There is literally nothing tethering you to being someone’s friend, and women owe you absolutely nothing in exchange for any time you wish to spend being their friend. There is no friend zone stopping you from telling someone how you feel, and there is no affection, sex, or other reward to be reaped for being a decent person to someone else.

Perhaps if you find yourself pining away for a person who doesn’t return your affections you may want to walk away from them and take a look around for a person who will return your affections and be more than happy to spend the rest of their lives with you. This also applies to anyone in a one way relationship. Walk away, find someone who loves you for you and for Oden’s sake don’t be an ass and decide that just because we don’t want to open our legs to you we’re bitches who have stuck you in some zone in our lives.  If you honestly cannot be friends with me without trying to fuck me, then I don’t want to be friends with you at all. In any shape or form on any level. Not on social media and defiantly not in real life.

The friend zone is a pathetic attempt to make women feel bad about having male friends to begin with. I suppose it’s our fault if your buddies want to fuck us even though we’re with you and are loyal. I mean, that’s all any guy wants to do right?

*dramatic but deserved eyeroll*

Wont fuck em

Until next time, friendships are fantastic things not to be shat upon by worthless human beings who thinks the world much less a certain gender owes them something. Those are toxic people who do not under any circumstances deserve to be in your life.


Categories: friends, Life, Mythology, Ranting | Tags: , | Leave a comment

Webs and the Weavers

My desires and dislikes are all very well know to the people close to me. Even to some who aren’t as close to me but are well accustom to seeing my Facebook posts. If you ever wonder what a person likes or dislikes just scroll through their Facebook postings.

Dragons are usually on the top of my list of absolute loves. Followed by any type of cat, Marilyn Monroe, Orcas, BB8, London, Star Wars, Avengers, most Marvel, etc. This list doesn’t include people but it is interwoven with my small list of people I love; Hubby, 3 kids, brother, mother, father-in-law, mother-in-law, dead family members (all three), close friends. The people who count know where they are in the list. I tolerate the remaining population I happen to know. Some more than others.

But then there is that one special group that you love to torment. Either because they are easily offended by everything on the planet, you can easily poke them into a fight without saying a single word, or they are just always in a fighting mood and will actually come to you and start them. Sadly these also can be the most aggravating group as they have their heads generally either so far up their own asses or someone else’s ass. While playing with members of this group starts out fun, it always gets so boring after a bit. BUT! They refuse to stop playing.

Instead these idiots jump on social media and decide to tell the world just how ‘horrible’ you are because you’re right and they are wrong. Of course this is all thinly veiled, anyone who doesn’t know what’s going on is going to be confused and of COARSE they’re going to ask about it and that’s what the idiots want. “Oh, my brother said some nasty things about me so I am setting the record straight.” Which translates to “My brother kicked my ass in showing me the truth about something but I’m too much of a moron to be an adult and accept I was wrong (and we ALL know I wasn’t) so I’m going to tell everyone that he’s spreading lies about things (even though it’s 100% the truth I’m just to much of a piece of shit to own them), and I’m really the bigger person by posting to all who know nothing of this how right I am and how wrong he is. But I only do so because I want to tell the tale of how horrible my sibling is to me and I want sympathy from all because I’m a fucking drama queen.”

Now you can strongly and correctly argue that’s what I am doing here. Difference being this is a blog and although it gets shared on a couple of my social media outlets you don’t HAVE to read it and I’m not actually pointing out an actual event (as far as you know *wink**wink**nudge**nudge*) nor am I looking for anyone to give me sympathy or stir up drama [and we all know that someone on one of my social media is going to wrongly think it’s about them and either make a scene on said social network or in person at the most unrelated of times–watch for the post about it, complete with screen shots].

EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON has this group of people in their lives in some form or another. It is a universal phenomenon that used to be small scale but thanks to the Internet and social media can now be as big as you can get it. Instead of keeping arguments inside the family, you can now involve all the people who know nothing about you or give a shit about your crappy grievances with whatever member of your family you suddenly loathe with the passion of a fiery sun. Some people make this a strange habit.

You know who the drama queens of your group are, I know who the ones in my group are and I am willing to bet your drama queens are as low on intelligence as mine are. Seems like to me anyway and feel free to express your thought on the matter in the comments or on your own, that since they cannot get our precious attention by doing great things like graduating college with degrees, or landing that dream job because you’ve got the skills they want/need they create events that are sure to get them attention, ALL the attention and usually but not always pull the much deserved attention off of someone else. Because OMG how dare they get attention for getting ANOTHER freaking degree! My favorite is trying to pull all the ‘atta boy’ from the person who deserves it by trying to take credit for the person’s accomplishment. “Oh they only got the job because I made a few calls.” When in reality the person who hired you never even heard of the person nor made their decision based on someone’s call. But try telling your drama queen that. Although they know their words are a lie, now that they are told they’re going to stand by them until the end of all time, even bring it up when they are low on attention and ways to get it.

We all also have ways to deal with these people. Some of us vent in a way much like they do but without all the details and answering any questions posed to them about it with “Doesn’t matter, just venting. All good” instead of gory details. Much like the example below:

Person 2: Interesting scenario. Person 1 says A to person 2. Person 1 and 2 argue about things and Person 1 blocks Person 2. Person 1 then goes to Person 3 and says that Person 2 said A. Person 3 goes off on Person 2 for what they supposedly said (A). Persons 1 and 3 continue to attack Person 2. Person 2 does not care anymore about what Persons 1 and 3 say. Persons 1 and 3 are not worth the time or the effort anymore. Interesting scenario, isn’t it?

 Person 4: And how many times have Persons 4, 5, and 6 told Person 2 that persons 1 and 3 are not worth the time? Persons 1 and 3 are and will always be jealous of Person 2’s accomplishments and when they cannot claim them for themselves will try and tear Person 2 down? Just remember, like Star Wars it’s 4, 5, and 6 that matter!

While persons 1-6 know who they are (or don’t, depends on the intelligence level) and what is being talked about, anyone else can see this and reply in a number of ways that doesn’t force them to ask what’s going on as the scenario is already laid out and doesn’t need any more explanation nor is one expected.

Of course someone might ask. But someone might as well be ignored.

And then the cat farts and totally derails the thinking process.

Note to self: Examine cat food ingredients. Find different cat food. Buy gas mask*.

*Might want to go ahead and do this one.


Until next time, don’t let the stinkers in your life bring you down too far. And when they do, pump yourself back up by remembering your accomplishments are just that; YOURS. Those who are closest to you know the truth and in the end, they are all who matter.


Categories: Family, friends, Ranting | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

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