**I am sorry to everyone who may have thought the post was going to be about Anubis our puppy. I was NOT going to Google ‘friend zone’ again. Ever. Instead I give you something to smile about before ripping your heart out.**
Go ahead. Cry. Get it out. The truth hurts.
Now that you’re done being a baby cry (kudos to the guys and perhaps women who didn’t cry) let me tell you why this is.
Women are not interested in being friends with such men who believe in the friend zone, because these self-interested creeps are not friends—they’re controlling abusers who feel entitled to a woman’s time, affections, and bodies, but are worthy of none.
This past Tuesday an article popped up and has been floating around social media. Perhaps you’ve seen and read it? It’s called ‘Why Men and Women Can Never Be Just Friends.‘ Yes, if you haven’t figured it out this is utter trash. And apparently this pathetic zone men have created to inflate their precious fragile egos (she doesn’t want to fuck me, it’s because I’m in the friend zone) is the reason for the United State’s declining birth rate. To be honest I didn’t know there was a decline, it’s a good thing there is a decline as there are too many people on this planet anyway and there are way too many fucking idiots here already. It’s full.
In case you’re not in the mood to read the article (and I do not blame you) let me break it down and give you the Cliff Notes Version:
Hans Fiene who wrote this trash argues that we women must once and for all give up the fantasy that we have any male friends. I imagine he means straight males. The male friends we do have would much rather be friends with other guys then us. Why? Because women don’t like football (American or otherwise), we don’t belch, fart or get dirty and we certainly don’t feel the need to sit in our own filth all damn day. Um, who really wants to do that last one anyway??
Ummm, okay? WTF? Apparently all guys ever want from women is to fuck us. Nothing else. Friends with benefits does not count either I suppose as we can’t be friends. This reject goes on to say that we must relinquish men from our seductive wiles if we have no plans of marring them. And our first priority once we find the man we wish to repopulate the world with is to in fact marry him and have kids asap.
I guess if you are thinking in a post apocalyptic world there may have to be some repopulation and where the idiot in the white house is taking us this could very well be a foreseeable future.
“Being caught in the Friend Zone is an inarguable drag on fertility rates, as a man who spends several years pledging his heart to a woman who will never have his children is also a man who most likely won’t procreate with anyone else during that time of incarceration,” Fiene dramatically writes. “Quite simply, for the sake of our future, the Friend Zone must be destroyed. For the Friend Zone to be destroyed, women must accept the following truths: you don’t have any guy friends and, in fact, you can’t have any guy friends.“
Hell hath no fury like a man driven to prove that the “Friend Zone” exists, and that it’s sending our planet on a path of miserable, baby-free extinction.
Nevermind that we get hit on and pursued by men who we wouldn’t even be friends with. Apparently it’s just ALL. OUR. FAULT. LADIES!
“Do your ‘friend’ a solid and let him go. Call him up and tell him, ‘…It was my fault that I got your hopes up by putting you in the Friend Zone. As restitution, please accept the phone numbers of five girls I know who find you attractive. Stop wasting your time with me and go hang out with a girl who might one day bear your children.’”
Mansplaining fantasy garbage much??
As Samantha Grasso so eloquently put it: “He has instead only watched beer commercials from the ’80s and read Tucker Max books and thinks men love to fart Taco Bell into in other men’s faces and call people “turd blossoms.” Men like blowing things up with fireworks, Fiene writes. They definitely aren’t complex humans who can experience platonic friendship, no way.”
Yes, we have all heard this exhausted, played out argument. We ladies have heard these nauseating mantras almost daily:
- Don’t lead a man on, because that would make you a slut.
- Don’t waste your prime baby birthing years, because that is the only way to lead a fulfilled life.
- Find a man to settle down with, because being alone is sad and lonely.
- Have children.
- Be a good wife.
- Be a good mother.
- Stop being so selfish and think about others for once!
I’m sorry but I am not going to take responsibility for anyone but me. There is never a time where I have ever said or implied that any man can trade his friendship with me for sex. Not once. Yet it would seem this is a universal truth, that it is an unwritten but well known rule and should we not abide by these truths/rules we will face the very real danger of getting straight up murdered. Which, unsurprisingly, is probably our fault, too.
There is literally nothing tethering you to being someone’s friend, and women owe you absolutely nothing in exchange for any time you wish to spend being their friend. There is no friend zone stopping you from telling someone how you feel, and there is no affection, sex, or other reward to be reaped for being a decent person to someone else.
Perhaps if you find yourself pining away for a person who doesn’t return your affections you may want to walk away from them and take a look around for a person who will return your affections and be more than happy to spend the rest of their lives with you. This also applies to anyone in a one way relationship. Walk away, find someone who loves you for you and for Oden’s sake don’t be an ass and decide that just because we don’t want to open our legs to you we’re bitches who have stuck you in some zone in our lives. If you honestly cannot be friends with me without trying to fuck me, then I don’t want to be friends with you at all. In any shape or form on any level. Not on social media and defiantly not in real life.
The friend zone is a pathetic attempt to make women feel bad about having male friends to begin with. I suppose it’s our fault if your buddies want to fuck us even though we’re with you and are loyal. I mean, that’s all any guy wants to do right?
*dramatic but deserved eyeroll*
Until next time, friendships are fantastic things not to be shat upon by worthless human beings who thinks the world much less a certain gender owes them something. Those are toxic people who do not under any circumstances deserve to be in your life.