I have been reading as I so often do in my “spare” time, a book entitled “MWF Seeking BFF” by Rachel Bertsche. I picked it up because like it’s author I am lacking in the local BFF area. Now this isn’t to say I do not have friends, I have BFFs who live in other states and I have friends who live local but aren’t quite the call up at the last minute and do something BFFs and I am not saying they never will be, but even in that area of just having people I call friends and know a bit better than an acquaintance I am lacking.
However, I am curious as to why when we hear someone say they are looking for friends we automatically think badly, but someone saying they are looking for a person to marry we don’t think anything of it? Where is this taboo on friend looking coming from? I mean are we not always on the prowl for a new friend? Every first day of classes, do we not look around at our classmates and size them up for potential friendship?
I know I do, it’s how I became friends with the woman who became my Matron of Honor (and I was her Maid of Honor) although when we first sized each other up we both came to the same conclusion: NOT friend material. Proof right there that fate has a sense of humor as we were then thrown together alone one Wednesday afternoon when none of our classmates decided to come to class and it was just her and I. We ended up working side by side and then went to grab a bite to eat. Next day I sat next to her in class so that I could be spared from having to sit next to the girl who did her nails in class and talked about things no one outside of a psychiatric office needed to know; while class was in session nonetheless and since I was spending money on this course, I wanted to learn something. And we have been friends ever since. That was 2002.
And my longest BFF I got my first day of 6th grade in a new school. The teacher threw us together telling her she should show me around and make sure I don’t get lost. Although it wasn’t the best day for me, I was in piggy tails and was upset and I think at one time tears were involved and despite the fact that I sort of ignored her for a few minutes as I searched out a girl I knew already who attended the same school (who then ignored me) we became close. She introduced me to two other girls and we became a group where school was concerned and outside of school at times as well, but for the most part it became her and I although the four of us lasted through freshmen year of high school together. After that it was just her and me for the longest of times, then she moved back to California and I had a whole new set of friends.
I have been here in Albuquerque for 12 years. I have made one BFF who married and moved away. I have often thought upon this lack of friends as something happening to my social skills since high school. But apparently this is normal. And yet if I were to go on Facebook and say I’m looking for some local BFFs my virtual friends may think there is something wrong with me and that I have no friends or some other strange and wrong stigma.
I agree with Rachel and reading on what she has discovered through trial and error makes me happy (I can still make friends! I just have to remember how!) and sad (some of the stats she talks about bring me down as I am pretty doomed in health and life according to the stats she found). And I haven’t even finished the book yet.
As much as I do love and adore my husband, he really isn’t what I’d consider and all inclusive BFF. Yes, there are things I can vent to him about and of course I can tell him anything–except if I need to vent about him or need to just complain without sweet advice being given back to me. And like it’s been said, men talk side by side and sometimes I need a face to face female who understands how other of our sex play games even with married men just because they can or are bored.
I guess I should make a more conscious effort in finding friends who may someday grow to be a BFF. I haven’t really tried to strike up a friendship with anyone in either of my anthropology classes and pretty much ignore everyone in my webmaster tools class (the reason is because I tend to go beyond what is expected of us on any given assignment not because I’m trying to kiss ass but because I am slightly ocd and can’t do web stuff without being creative with it and make it exciting. This tends to alienate people of less enthusiasm or talent/skill or draws people who think I can or will help them out with their own stuff and only engage me because they need help . I have only had this turn into a friendship where I don’t mind helping her ONCE any other time once the course ended so did the “friendship”).
I don’t know if now I am secretly using the excuse that I might not be in Albuquerque for much longer so why bother or if I’m just being a scaredy cat. I am shy although my current friends may beg to differ as well as family and husband. It has been a long time since making friends came easily and quite frankly being thrown into situations like school through high school (where the chances of you seeing the same group of people year after year is the highest of anytime in your life) makes it easier to make friends. Outside of that you’re not really thrown into the same type of situation ever again.
Until next time, while making new friends may not be easy, keeping in touch with old ones is and should be done often. Never underestimate the power of telling someone how much you appreciate their friendship.